Demons and Diamonds

Today is a special day in two counts. One is a count of days added to my life; the other is a count down to my new life. Today marks two years of living after a failed suicide attempt and exactly forty-nine days until I marry my best friend.

When I reflect on how dark my life was two years ago, I am still surprised I survived. I nearly didn't. But I am so glad I did! I have met many good people and friends in the last two years that I wouldn't have met otherwise. I've lived in three different states in the last two years, and I'm about to add another to that list. And I met the man I'm soon marrying.

Someone recently asked me about my relationship with Matt, and I realized that I wouldn't be as good a match for him had I not experienced everything involved in my suicide attempt. There are several reasons why, but the biggest one is I learned not to judge people by their past. Had I met Matt earlier than when I did, I wouldn't have given him a third date. He would have just been another passerby. He often says the same.

However, God is so good. He led me on a path that I took to mean failure. In reality, He was moving me toward something greater in places I didn't think or want to look.

My demons are still here and will likely always be with me. Yet, now I have a companion to help me defeat them. I have to fight my own battles, but Matt is there to hand me a new weapon after the first one breaks. (He jokes that the "Beyond" in Bed Bath & Beyond stands for battle axes.) That is what the diamond on my hand stands for: a partner to support me when the demons feel too big, and someone to continue counting days of living with me.

Here's to living and trusting in God's timing and love.

Current count: 49 days until the wedding
Current count: 730 days of living

Steppin' Out With My Honey

Memorial Day Weekend: A time for sun, food, family, friends, and usually some traveling.

This weekend was a lot of fun! I almost wish it hadn't ended. I visited Mister E's family with him. We drove over Saturday afternoon, stopping for milkshakes at a great diner that I know of on the way! As we were nearing town, we caught a glorious sunset.


On Sunday, I experienced my first bonfire. Alright, alright... It wasn't really my first bonfire, but it was the first one I can remember in a backyard! All of us enjoyed roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over the coals of the first fire and the flames of the second fire!


Boy, were those coals hot. The longer the stick, the less heat you had to endure! But the food was really good. I have to admit that I ate more than my fair share of s'mores! In my defense, Mister E was trying to roast the marshmallow the way I prefer, which took several attempts and sampling.


While the entire weekend was wonderful, I especially enjoyed hanging out with his family without having to "share" them with others. We went to the river on Monday to go swimming... rather wading in the freezing cold water! Swimming was just not an option in that temperature. We did manage to get a little wet, though.


Mister E's house is very lovely. The yard is full of fruit trees and nut trees. There are trees everywhere! I absolutely fell in love with all the apple, pear, cherry, plum, peach, and walnut trees strewn about the property. By suggestion from his mom, we posed for pictures at one of the walnut trees. The pictures where he is smiling just happen to be the ones that aren't clear. Ah, the irony.


It was such a beautiful weekend, and the beauty of the land grows on you. Many beautiful sunsets are seen as well.

Lessons in Self-Control

Ah, self-control... How horrible and wonderful it is at the same time. I've found that a lot of my challenges of late have been in self-control. Some have been self-inflicted tests of my self-control.

Last week, I cut all desserts from my diet. Let me tell you that that was hard- especially when Dad brought home the brownies from Costco! Man, I almost gave in right then and there. I held strong until Mister E took me out to lunch and was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to order cheesecake for dessert. Seriously, the man can talk me into almost anything!

Speaking of Mister E, we decided to take a break from dating for a while. It's a long complicated story that even he and I don't fully understand. So, I won't bore you with all the details. However, I want to say that sitting next to him while he was so downtrodden without throwing my arms around him to comfort him was THE hardest test of my self-control. To watch him struggle and be weighed down with the world almost tore me apart knowing there wasn't anything I could do to help. I can only attribute the strength in self-control I had last night to the Lord. It is only through Him that I had the ability to refrain from hugging him till every care of the world left.

I've come to know that through the Lord, we gain strength that we wouldn't ordinarily have. We must rely on His ever out-stretched arm for guidance and support through life's many paths. It is through our practice of self-control while relying on the Lord that we ultimately overcome the natural man and become as our Father in heaven.

Proposals 101

When proposing to a lady, there are several factors to take into consideration.

1) There must be a girl.


2) There must be a guy.


3) There must be a ring (a proper fit is helpful).


4) It's all about location, location, location!!!
Here are a few examples.

The beach is always a nice setting, with the waves providing soothing natural music.

A deserted parking lot provides a secluded spot for dancing after she says yes.

A converted railroad bridge can enhance the sweet moment of surprise.

The hilltop overlooking the city is the perfect place to enjoy a post-proposal kiss.

The ideal place to propose is a place where the girl is least likely to suspect it- such as, my personal favorite...

The Ice Cream Aisle in Safeway!!!

Caution: If choosing to propose in a store...

choose your aisle carefully. Some aisles are more photogenic than others!

(I.E. Not the toilet seat aisle.)

However you choose to propose, remember to have fun!

Many thanks to my fellow Joy School Alum for enjoying such a fun and proposal-filled St. Valentine's Day!

***No proposals were accepted in the making of this post. ***

Picky-Picky: No Longer Just a Cat

I've noticed that I have friends who are either the pickiest eaters ever or are willing to eat anything. (Myself, I fall somewhere in the middle. I am picky about some things, but I always stand by my rule to try something twice.) It still amazes me how picky some eaters are.

What brought this subject to mind is the self-given task of cooking dinner next week for Mister E and I. He is the kind of person who will eat anything- and probably already has! Last week, he discovered that hot sauce on a glazed doughnut was very tasty. Being the adventurous girl that I am, I tried it with him... and loved it!!! I may never eat a plain glazed doughnut again without hot sauce!

I asked Mister E what he'd like to have for our dinner next week, and his answer gave no help of narrowing down recipe choices. So, I'm back to thumbing through recipe magazines my mom has collected over the years searching for a good meal for two. Any suggestions?

Cupckes and Games

This entire weekend has been a ball of fun. I finally released a lot of the things weighing down my life, so I was able to enjoy a carefree weekend of fun and games!

Friday night, I volunteered at the annual Jazz Festival for my college. I enjoyed working back stage so much, and I made some new friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. The joke going around was that I turned down a date to work the festival. It is a little stretched from the truth, but only by a little. You can fill in the real story yourself. :)

Saturday turned out to be a sweet day- literally. I put my spoon to the bowl and made beautifully white cupcakes for my family celebration that evening. I'm quite proud of how they turned out. The batter was evenly dispersed, and the cupcakes were a beautiful white inside. I've always been fond of separating the egg yokes from the whites. Other than licking the spoon, separating eggs is my favorite task in baking a white cake.

The family festivities were great! The fun started when Roadrunner, in his six year old way, snubbed me for my good friend, Mister E. Seriously, I had to request a hug from Roadrunner! It's like I wasn't even there!! Oh well. I guess that means Roadrunner likes Mister E. The girls soon ganged up against Mister E and started a pillow fight. There were times when I thought for sure the kids would win- four against one. Then, I realized the kids didn't know what they were up against!

By the time dinner was ready, I believe the score was 3-1 with Mister E in the lead.

After dinner, we played Apples to Apples, and I about died with laughter. That game is so fun and amusing! I love it- almost as much as Charades! When we were tired of that game, we moved on to Scotland Yard, a family favorite. Dad was the elusive "Mr. X" while the rest of us were the detectives. It was a tough and intense game. My brother and Mister E certainly made Dad sweat a little wondering if he would be caught- which he wasn't.

The evening was such a great night! It was probably one of the most enjoyable family nights I've had in a while. It was certainly something to write home about!


Sunday presented itself as another awesome Sabbath. Church was uplifting- despite a throbbing headache. Sunday School was very inspiring, as was Relief Society. As always, I enjoyed my ward's Break the Fast meal after church and ate more than I probably should have. I loved learning how to play Garbage Rummy with Mister E's family. I was terrible, earning 370 points in four rounds! However, as bad as I was, it was only my first time playing the game. I'm sure I'll improve with a little more practice.

As I said at the beginning, this was a fantastic weekend! I'd certainly love to relive all the fun spent with family and friends time and time again. Here's to the start of a wonderful week and a new month!

Paka

Second Monday Moanings

Today is the start of the second week in this school term. I'm finding it hard to return to a good scheduled routine after such a long break between terms. Three weeks is the amount of time it takes to form habits, and my break was basically three weeks. So, I'm struggling to undo the terrible sleeping schedule I created during my break to be at my best to start new and better habits that will aid my success this term and next.

Through a lot of thinking and praying, I've decided that the best academic path for me is to finish my AA at my current school before looking ahead to a University. It will help me in the long run when I transfer because I'll have a degree to transfer, not just a random bunch of courses and credits. I've started creating my road map for the courses I need to take within the next five quarters at this school, and I find myself in the same predicament I had when I first started school here. Music classes take a lot of work for the few credits earned. Take three performance classes, one theory class, and an ear training class, and you'll find you are already at the full time student mark. That leaves little room for any non-music classes you might need to take. However, my plan to overcome that predicament is this: I'm going to cram as many classes as I can survive into the summer term! The only music classes offered during the summer are private lessons, so I'll have room to focus on other subjects.

I've discovered that things come in pairs in my life. I start one of the hardest school terms thus far and find a friend who, unknown to him, is having a profound effect on my life. The last month I've spent getting to know him has been amazing and full of laughter. He has shown me reasons for improving my life that I never knew were there. Every day I can make him laugh is a day worth living. I don't know where this friendship will lead, but I won't worry about that just now. I realize that I have to be careful in how much I allow him to distract me from my studies. I could very easily let this developing romance have top priority in my mind's thinking. So far I've stayed balanced, but there is still much of life ahead of me. All I know is that he is the hardest person to say goodbye to, even when I'll see him the next day. :D

To sum up, I leave you with one of my favorite scriptures.
"Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel." (Alma 26:16)

Time for band. If you hear a piccolo, that's me! :)

Honorable Mention

To stop the glares coming from Provo for not mentioning the eternal coalition, (You know who you are!) here are a few pictures from Hagmoth's wedding.





It was a very fun day and a great honor to be part of it. She is so happy! I can only hope I'll be as happy and bubbly as Hagmoth on my wedding day!

Love you!

P.S. You can stop glaring now! :)