365 Days of Living

Today is the first anniversary of my suicide attempt, which you can read about in this post here.

It's been 365 days of fighting demons and learning that life is worth the fight. There have been good days and bad days, but what I've learned the most is that this process isn't linear. My fight isn't over, but there are less demons than before. I can get out of bed nearly every day. I am going back to work soon and making plans to live on my own again later this year. I finally found a therapist I like and a medication that works. I am making healthy changes, setting running goals and finding my passions to build a fulfilling life. In fact, I'm participating in the Unmasked 10M event put on by the Hogwarts Running Club and benefiting TWLOHA, an organization so dear to my heart. Not only does this combine two of my sources of hope, I decided it also was one of the best ways to celebrate living.

Because of my experiences this last year, the knowledge that God has been and will always be right beside me is now permanently embedded into my soul. He is shaping me into more than I ever dreamed and guiding my life to become more than what I planned.

Because today stirs up so many emotions, I am choosing to focus the most on gratitude.

To everyone in my life, thank you. Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts sent my way. Thank you for reminding me of my value when I cannot see it myself. 

To those who stayed with me through my darkest and most desperate times, I can't thank you enough. You were my lifeline when I couldn't help myself. Your words of support, texts, and confidence in me reminded me that I had strength to continue on.

To those who left and who kept their boundaries, thank you for recognizing what you could handle and for choosing to take care of yourself. Self-care is so important.

To my therapists, thank you for working with me and for guiding me through the dark maze of depression. You helped me see my gradual progress and gave me hope for better things to come. Thank you for accepting me as I was each time I entered your office whether it was a good or bad mental health day.

To my amazing nieces, thank you for showing wisdom beyond your ages by accepting that I couldn't always keep my promises. Thank you for being concerned and expressing your unconditional love to me. Some days, your love is the only thing that keeps me fighting.

To my family, thank you for the support you've given me this year, whether emotional, financial, physical, or just your love. I wouldn't be as healthy as I am today without your care and support. Thank you for the tough love that was needed (and sometimes not). I know you are trying your best to understand, and I love you for that.

Please, please, if you or someone you know is struggling, take heart. There is hope in the darkness. Help is available. You matter. You are important. 

If you or someone you know needs help, visit this suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “Hello” to 741-741.